


The role of the Barrayaran military in a new Nexus initiative

by Gwynne



Category: Vorkosigan Saga - Lois McMaster Bujold
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-11
Updated: 2014-02-11
Packaged: 2018-01-11 22:54:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1178940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gwynne/pseuds/Gwynne
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Once again the Rear-Admiral shows his appreciation of modern and progressive Barrayaran society.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The role of the Barrayaran military in a new Nexus initiative

Memo from Rear-Admiral Stefan Vorlakial

Markov – Learn from my suffering and never, and I mean NEVER miss a meeting. 

I blame my wife. Not that I’d say it to her face, of course, but if she hadn’t forced me to take her to that High Tea – I ask you, have you ever heard of a Low Tea? Ridiculous name – but if she hadn’t forced me to go to her sister’s High Tea to celebrate some dismal anniversary – birthday, wedding, hair removal, I forget what – have you SEEN my sister-in-law? Frightening woman – I’d have been able to go to the General Staff meeting – I told the woman, it’s the first Monday in the month, has been since time immemorial, can’t her sister choose a different day to have a birthday – totally unreasonable, women. But if I’d been there I’d have been able to avoid all the rotten jobs that they give to the poor sods who miss the meeting. 

So now I’m the poor sod. 

And along with the minutes of that saints-forsaken meeting there’s a note from the Emperor himself, congratulating me on my ‘open-minded and forward-thinking attitude’ which apparently makes me just the man for the job. Manipulative bastard. Him, not me. Anyway, because of my ‘great success in helping the Service move forward’, he now wants me to expand my horizons. I ask you – why would a horizon need expanding? The less of that sort of thing the better. Keep your eyes down and your mind on the job. I hear that a lot from my wife. 

But now, as part of some horizon-expanding multi-agency initiative – and when did the Service encourage initiative? – I have to submit some suggestions for a new Barrayaran campaign.

Not a decent campaign, nothing military, although it does involve an invasion of sorts. No, they want the military perspective on a new tourist campaign. Apparently, having successfully fought off invading forces for miserable decades, we now have to try and attract them. ‘Here we are, come and invade us’ is the new attitude, apparently. 

Foolish idea – why does anyone want swathes of Nexus noodlers roaming around all over the place? Something to do with money, apparently. Shameful. 

So, the military perspective. I thought that was when we were lining up the sights to fire, but they frown on doing that to tourists. No idea why, after all their own planet doesn’t want them, otherwise they wouldn’t be at large in the Nexus. 

Some ideas:

• Keep them away from anything military. There, problem solved, that’s my part done.

But that’d be too simple for them. So…

• How about a spot of history? We could re-enact some of the highlights of the Cetagandan war – that’d be colourful. Or Vordarian’s revolt. Or some of the high points of Dorca’s unification, helped by Pierre le Sanguinnaire. Or anything from the Bloody Centuries. They won’t see anything like that on Beta. 

• It’d be lunacy for our government to allow Cetagandans to come as tourists, which means they’re bound to do it. So we could run them out to the sites of some of their most impressive defeats. 

• On the same idea, how about some Dendarii knife-throwing demonstrations? Just like their grandfathers told them about. Well, the ones that dodged fast enough, anyway.

• Some of the military museums would be safe enough – just make sure that all the weapons are deactivated. They don’t always check properly when they set those places up – although after a few mobs of schoolchildren have been through it’s generally safe enough for the survivors. 

• How about shooting? Not necessarily at the tourists, that’s apparently discouraged, but I’ve seen some pretty impressive target shooting from our boys. Of course, it’s even more motivating when the targets are shooting back.

• Speaking of weapons, how about some of the more traditional ones? Bows and arrows, knives, spears, war axes, swords, sabres, maces, pikes, morning stars… just the usual collection from the average attic. We could knock a few interesting demonstrations together. Or just give them to the tourists and let natural selection take its course.

• What else do our boys do – Marching? The Commandant at the Academy when I went through was big on marching. Precision marching all over the Great Square, that’d be the go. Show them what a real military should look like, instead of that rabble that most places seem to produce. Make sure there’s nobody chained to the posts at the time, of course. Although they rarely get any proper use these days - I saw pigeons nesting on one of them a while ago. Sad, to see the old ways going. Time was you could wander across the Square, chat to a few old friends, and lay bets with them on how long they were going to last. We won’t see times like those again, sadly.

So that just about takes care of it. But if they want more…

• I suppose they can do whatever Barrayaran tourists do – my rural relatives usually go to the offworld shops. But I suppose that’d be a bit of an anticlimax for offworld tourists. 

• Run them through the Caravanserai. Although it’s not nearly as exciting as it was when I was a young Lieutenant – these days they say you rarely see a body in the street, and when you do it’s usually still breathing. Sad to see all the old traditions going. 

• When I went back to the District last Winterfair they had folk dancers, in traditional costume. Throw a bit of that at the tourists, that’ll teach them. 

• Take them to a reception at the Residence. If Gregor wants these people to come here, he can welcome them himself. 

• When I was on Beta (terrible place, shocking experience for a young officer) they were all hysterical about a new exhibit in some turgid little zoo of theirs – they had a sheep. I ask you – a sheep! Come to my District, you’ll see thousands of the little blighters. But if it’s sheep they like, we could show off a few. Good eating, too – we could roast it for them after they’ve met it. If they can stand the excitement, we might even let them glimpse a cow. Or a chicken. Not sure about horses, that could be too much for them.

• Take them up to the Dendarii Mountains and tank them up with Maple Mead. That’d get rid of them for weeks. With any luck you’d drop a few of them in caves and get rid of them entirely

• Or the coast – there’s some good beaches, they can try swimming. Just warn them about the… never mind. Survival of the fittest. Fastest, at least.

• Just how many of these tourists are they talking about, anyway? I suppose a few dozen are manageable. Wouldn’t want them all the time, they’d get in the way of important celebrations. Keep them away from Winterfair and the Emperor’s Birthday, and any of the other important celebrations. Maybe one ship a year? We don’t want them infesting the place. 

Oh, and they want a slogan. I remember the good old days ‘Keep the bastards out’ was popular when we were getting rid of the Cetagandans. ‘Keep your clothes on’ would be handy if any of those damn Betans are coming.

Slogans… ridiculous idea…. How about:

• 'Come to Barrayar – we don’t shoot invaders any more!' 

 

Just sort this out will you, Markov? Have to dash, for some reason the little woman is in a huff again, so I’m taking her out for a big night on the town to try to atone for some wholly imaginary misdeed. I mean, they keep saying they want us to share our feelings, and be open and honest with them, but you tell them their sister looks like an embittered warthog and all hell breaks loose. Mystifying.

Rear-Admiral Stefan Vorlakial

 

########################################

 

By the Order of Emperor Gregor Vorbarra  
Supreme Commander, Barrayaran Imperial Fleet

Barrayaran Tourism campaign – A Military Perspective

While we welcome the influx of tourists from our Nexus neighbours, it will be necessary to maintain security at active military installations. It is strongly recommended that Nexus tourists be directed to less sensitive locations.

Other recommendations:

• Some of the colourful and vigorous incidents of Barrayar’s long and interesting history could be re-enacted by our cadets, in regular educational events for them as well as the spectators.

• Sites of particular interest to Cetagandan visitors could be preserved and made accessible. Careful efforts would be made to respect the feelings of all concerned.

• Displays of traditional regional martial skills would encourage District pride, maintain old customs, and show respect for our forebears. Many of our recruits would be able to participate in such displays, as they come from regions which still preserve those skills. 

• There are many fascinating military museums which display equipment from the past, so that our visitors can appreciate the inventiveness and determination of our ancestors.

• Some of our troops could give impressive demonstrations of target-shooting, with a range of weaponry past and present. Possibly tourists could be allowed to use some of the less dangerous weapons, under careful supervision.

• Other examples of interesting, archaic and exotic weaponry used in historical engagements could also be displayed, demonstrated by military personnel, and even tried by the tourists under appropriately safe and controlled conditions. Many Barrayaran subjects have suitable examples stored and forgotten, and would no doubt be happy to donate them for such a purpose.

• Military personnel and cadets can display their skills in precision marching. Regular demonstrations of this could be given in the Main Square, delighting both the Nexus tourists and Barrayaran subjects. 

Some other non-military suggestions include:  
• Tourists would enjoy the range of shops and markets in the Districts, as well as Vorbarr Sultana, selling traditional items of clothing and jewellery, as well as other unique and delightful arts and crafts.

• A visit to the Caravanserai would show some of the fascinating, traditional architecture of older times, as well as allowing our Nexus tourists to explore the intricate byways of this exciting, vigorous and lively locale. 

• Each District has special features specific to that region that would delight our visitors. There are many intricate and fascinating folk dances, even more interesting when performed in the traditional costumes of each District. Food, drink and craftwork varies from District to District, so a tour around the outlying regions of Barrayar would prove rewarding.

• In the evenings our visitors could attend staged formal receptions, where they would participate in the dances, banquets and other entertainments of the High Vor. Several of the older buildings in Vorbarr Sultana, especially those which were once used as Counts residences, have suitable ballrooms and other facilities, and could be adapted for the purpose. 

• Many of our Nexus visitors would like to see working farms, and get close to animals that aren’t common on their worlds. Small working farms could be established close to Vorbarr Sultana, or in certain Districts, where tourists could see demonstrations of milking, shearing, and other rural activities. Some of our visitors may enjoy horseriding, under safe conditions. 

• Particular regions have natural features that could be of special interest, so that our more active tourists could explore caves in the Dendarii Mountains, go skiing on some of our permanent snowfields, and take part in other such activities. Afterwards they can enjoy local delicacies and refreshments.

• Some of our visitors may enjoy a visit to our beaches, and even a swim in the sea in carefully enclosed and patrolled areas.

• Special Barrayaran celebrations, such as Winterfair and the Emperor’s Birthday, would be of particular interest to Nexus tourists. Barrayaran firework displays, as well as the decorations and other customs at those times, would showcase unique aspects of our culture.

• It will be important to control the numbers of arrivals until enough facilities are available. 

 

Some thought has been given to a suitable slogan to encourage tourists. One possibility is:

‘Barrayar – a unique experience’.

 

The Barrayaran military look forward to the opportunities presented by this new challenge, and stand ready to provide whatever actions are needed, with enthusiasm and precision. We welcome the chance to display our skills and strengths in a manner that is positive and enjoyable for all involved.

 

Rear-Admiral Stefan Vorlakial


End file.
